The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week

The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.

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I judge the quality of my weekends by how often I had to wear a bra

— Hollis Miller (@missehollis) May 14, 2017

i don't know that men have what it takes to wear a romper.
stripping naked to pee feels like a burden only women are strong enough to bear.

— fooler initiative (@metroadlib) May 16, 2017

Me: Hey, what's that dude's name? Rinse Prius?
Him: Reince Priebus.
Me: Prince Rebust.
Him: Reince Priebus.
Me: Risky Prisiness.

— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) May 16, 2017

"I wouldn't consider myself a feminist but I do believe that we all [insert the exact definition of feminism here]"

— kei (@bblackgoldd) May 15, 2017

Damn I signed offline at 4:45 and I've literally missed a month's worth of news.

— Paige Lavender (@paigelav) May 16, 2017

Statistically the lottery is a losing game. And yet, you can't win if you don't play. This is how I feel about keeping up with politics.

— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) May 16, 2017

Congrats to James Comey for making memos interesting for the first time in history

— Erin Gloria Ryan (@morninggloria) May 16, 2017

Literally any man over 6ft who has most of his teeth: 🙂
Me: whelp

— Alexis Wilkinson (@OhGodItsAlexis) January 26, 2017

It's so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) May 16, 2017

i, for one, am looking forward to the first time someone live-tweets their impeachment

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 18, 2017

we really have no idea what's going to come from day to day anymore, so if I have one bit of summer advice it is to get the lobster roll

— #rachelsyme (@rachsyme) May 16, 2017

me literally everytime I read the news

— Jenna //\\ Wortham (@jennydeluxe) May 15, 2017

Casual reminder that Beyoncé's entire marketing team is better at managing security/leaks than our current White House administration.

— Arielle Brousse (@thewordunheard) May 16, 2017

I never ever wanna talk to people but if someone compliments something I'm wearing I sure do love telling them how cheap it was

— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) May 19, 2017

For the first 5 years of my life, I thought my name was "For fucks sake".

— Bianca LaVagina (@AnitaHelmet) May 19, 2017

i also say PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED AND TELL NO ONE after most of my jokes

— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) May 17, 2017

I'm "Just had to explain to someone who Tom Selleck is" old.

— Nina Bargiel (@slackmistress) May 17, 2017

"Boring. This is only your first marriage? I've been married THREE times. Nobody gets married as good as me." – Donald Trump, wedding guest

— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) May 17, 2017

"So, puppy, what do you want to do with our girls' night in?
Drink some vodka and stress refresh Twitter?
I was hoping you'd say that!"

— Maris Kreizman (@mariskreizman) May 17, 2017

2015: Netflix and chill
2017: WaPo and freak out

— Caitlin Kelly (@caitlin__kelly) May 18, 2017