The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
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Women's razors being less sharp, but more expensive encapsulates patriarchy perfectly.
— Elizabeth Plank (@feministabulous) April 17, 2017
good morning to everybody except people who talked shit about serena yesterday
— Hannah Giorgis (@ethiopienne) April 20, 2017
my dream is to be the first female sexual predator backed by a tv station for 15 years
— Bez (@Bez) April 19, 2017
Serena Williams was pregnant when she won the Australia Open in Jan. but I cant even get out of bed when I'm on my period. Sis is superwoman
— Taryn Finley (@_TARYNitUP) April 19, 2017
what its like trying to focus on one thing when you have racing thoughts pic.twitter.com/v62v2L9ly0
— Tracy Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) April 17, 2017
the meanest text a person can write is: K
— Lauren Lapkus (@laurenlapkus) April 19, 2017
i will go anywhere and do anything as long as i can be at home in bed w my face washed and skincare routine done by 11:32 pm csT
— cauliflower shorty (@neshathewicked) April 15, 2017
Got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes Easter grass and discounted Peeps!
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) April 17, 2017
Dog: *makes a sound that's halfway between a deranged lion's roar and a whale signaling danger*
Me: WHO'S A CUTE BUDDY??
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) April 20, 2017
Barack Obama is an Instagram Husband pic.twitter.com/OouLr7bjT2
— Madeline Hill (@mad_hill) April 16, 2017
Mom: You can Netflix & Chill tonight.
Me *she doesn't know what that means*
Mom: Invite someone from Match or Tinder
Me *she knows too much*
— Allison Raskin (@AllisonRaskin) April 17, 2017
What if aliens make fun of smart people like we make fun of people in Wal-Mart?
— Adrianna LaCervix (@AdriannaLaCervx) April 18, 2017
"I should read Gone Girl again" -me every time I'm mad at my man
— farwz (@farwzz) April 21, 2017
we getting beyoncé and serena spawn in the same year. we're gonna make it.
— deaux (@dstfelix) April 19, 2017
INTERVIEWER: why do you think you deserve this job
ME: I mean I wrote a viral tweet once
INTERVIEWER: ur hired, welcome to the White House
— Ej Dickson (@ejdickson) April 19, 2017
BREAKING: my spirit
— Joanna Rothkopf (@joannarothkopf) April 18, 2017
This is the real reason why they don't allow scissors on planes. pic.twitter.com/eQQDAVazNk
— Stacey Patton (@DrStaceyPatton) April 18, 2017
[House Hunters episode]
HUSBAND: I'm a freelance hamster trainer
WIFE: And I tune harmonicas part-time
HUSBAND: Our budget is $950K
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) April 19, 2017
Morning: I am a goddess of the divine
Night: *sits in bed catches cookie crumbs with a doritos bag*
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) April 19, 2017
The biggest misconception about media is that it is run by powerful elites. The media is run by horny girls named Alana, Sarah, and Rachel.
— Alana Massey (@AlanaMassey) April 20, 2017